The Death of the Other

We are born among kisses and smiles.

Our parents welcomes us with gifts and a welcoming-space arranged to make our arrival in this world as kind as possible.

The grandmother weave a little jacket for us and the aunts take care of the stuffed animals.

The same does not happen when we leave toward eternity (that is, death).

At least in Mexico.

Too many Mexicans, mostly old or terminally ill, are said good-bye from life without the adequate space or care to make a good transition; without anyone daring to speak to them about the obvious, leaving them alone with their suffering and their fears; without the proper legal framework to opt for a medically assisted death if so they wish.

Ours is a culture that celebrates the dead, but that neither thinks nor talks about death, about the process of dying, about the dying.

When they are asked, ‘How often do you think about death?’, 46% of the population says they never think about it, and only 13% replies that they frequently think about it; but if the issue concerns talking about death, almost 47% never talks to anyone about death, and less than 1% talks about it with their doctor or a priest (2016 DMD National Survey on Dignified Death6).

This is how things had been going on for a long time, although quietly, without making too much noise… until the fierce pandemic caused by the Covid 19 took us by surprise. Then death came out of its hideout and looked at us in the eyes, showing up in a ruthless way. It seems that today all we can do is to look back at her in the eyes and become friends with her.

What else can we do when we have seen—wide-open and in full color—the shameful health system of our country, the immense suffering that this causes to so many Mexicans, and the countless deaths that occurred in a chilling solitude and without the proper care due to the lack of medical equipment and of trained staff to use it?

What else can there be when we also know that the flaws in our health system go far beyond its inability to care for patients in a pandemic situation? Already before, during the past normality, the attention and care of the defenseless persons—such as the terminally ill and the elderly—was far from adequate.

If we want to be able to experience a dignified death the entire population must have access to drugs that allow them to live through the process of a long illness without pain; they must have available the necessary legal resources to opt for medically assisted death if so they wish; propitious spaces are needed so we can live our last moments without being coerced by the circumstances to act in a certain way).

A few weeks ago, perhaps the topic with the greatest media presence was who should receive primacy if available respirators were not enough for all sick persons requiring them. At some point it seemed that anyone… except the elderly who had to be sacrificed for the benefit of the younger generations.

It was as if the Covid-19 circumstances were asking the elderly the same thing that wartime circumstances usually ask the young: to sacrifice their lives for the sake of the survival of others. If in wars young people are sacrificed for the sake of the other citizens; in times of the coronavirus, the elderly are the ones who must sacrifice themselves.

The approach was paradoxical: normally, old Mexicans are not well treated and cannot opt for euthanasia or physician-assisted suicide because those are illegal practices; but, on the other hand, they could be asked to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the young.

Death is the moment to seal our lives, and that is not just anything.

Just as society is in charge of providing the appropriate conditions for our arrival into this world, it should also be responsible for providing us those same conditions to ensure that our departure turns out as kind as our birth.